No Sorry, No Regrets
by justwanttologin
Summary: Bella is a 19 year old nanny who has a family she avoids and a lot to figure out. In this story Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie are kids. Jake is her brother.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N OK I finished this story already, its 19 chapters and I probably post one daily. All the chapters are in Bella's POV except for one which is marked. So if not marked, Bella. Please review. _

"Bella, we have to stop this." Carlisle moans as I take my clothes off.

"Why? The kids are all asleep." I ask innocently knowing exactly what he means.

"I think Alice is getting suspicious, she'll being cold and moody lately." He tries to resist as I move towards him.

"She's 13, of course she's moody!" They all are at that age.

"She's 13 Bella, and you're 19. We need to stop this." He tries to push me away.

"You knew that we started this. But we'll stop, tomorrow. Just one last time." I beg him but we both know it won't be the last time.

He finally gives in and makes love to me.

I raise his kids, I do his laundry and I cook his meals but I only get to do this when his wife is out of town. I am just the nanny after all.

I started right after I graduated high school. Rich family needs live in nanny for 2 year old twins, 4 year old and 12 year. The pay is awesome and best of all I got out of my small town life and overbearing big brother.

He's not really even my brother but he won't stay out of my business. My parents died when I was 10 and I went to live with their closest friend Billy, his 12 year old son and his 15 year old twin daughters. Both of the twins got out as soon as possible but we stay in contact. Rachel is actually the one that encouraged me to take this job, of course not knowing how far I would take my position.

Jake on the other hand is only 2 years older than me but he tries to act like my freaking father. He flipped out when I moved from small town Forks to Seattle. He tried all of my high school years to hook me up with his best friend Embry so I would be stuck there. His dad Billy doesn't really care what I do. He did at first but I went wild child when my parent s died and he felt bad for me so he let me do what I wanted and then it was just too late.

So I took this job for the new city and awesome pay. The kids are good for the most part. Sure the twins Jasper and Rosalie are a handful and Alice is moody as hell but they're kids. Edward is an amazingingly easy child who never causes problems. Their mom travels a lot and when she's here she's usually too busy for them or Carlisle so one night I was cleaning up after the kids were in bed and Carlisle was drinking as he tends to do after work, he's a doctor, it's stressful. He got a little drunk and came on to me and me being me went for it. The next morning we both realized it was a mistake but it just kept happening, with him sober in my defense.

After the first few times I guess the guilt set in and he always goes through the we need to stop crap but we never do. It's been a year and no one knows. Some many times I thought about telling Rachel or Rebecca but even though they aren't close to Jake and don't agree with his overbearing ways I'm pretty sure they would tell him "for my own good" and he would probably come kidnap and lock me up.

Sometimes it's hard keeping it myself, but even harder is watching him play the good husband when she comes back. Esme is nice enough to me. I just hate the way she ignores her family.

I love him, and someday I will win him over.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up early so I can shower and be ready to go to Forks as soon as the kids are off to school. Once a month I take a 4 day weekend so I can go visit Jake and Billy. It wasn't my idea but it keeps Jake from showing up here.

I kiss Edward good bye before he gets on the bus then hang out with Alice for an hour before she gets on her bus then drop the twins off at preschool and head home. Usually I check in with Jake at the auto shop he works at, and then swing by to see Billy then spend the rest of the weekend with Jake's friends Paul and Embry.

I'm been sleeping with Paul since I was 15 I think. We both know it's all about the sex and that there are other people for both of us. Embry is the sweet one, always trying to take me on real dates.

Sometimes I feel guilty sleeping with Paul while I love Carlisle but I figure he's sleeping with that bitch he calls his wife so why the hell not.

Jake hates that I spend so much time with Paul and even more that Paul buys me unlimited amounts of alcohol but I'm sure he would kill him if he knew I was screwing him too. We cover that by saying I was just too drunk to come home and the loser buys it every time. It may have to do with the fact that he trusts Embry and Embry covers for us because he's in love with me.

I get into town and stop at the shop.

"Bella!" Jake runs up and hugs me and I can't help but smile. I love him so much; he's just a major pain in the ass.

"Hey Jake just wanted to stop by and say…" I trail off as I see the most amazing looking man ever. Holy crap, his body is just mmm. Indescribable. Ever Carlisle doesn't compare to this man. "Who is that?" I ask trying to sound calm.

"Oh that's Sam; he just started here a couple of weeks ago. He has a girlfriend Bella." He warns when he sees the look in my eyes.

"Yeah, um OK. Good for him?" I try to play it off. "I'm going to stop by and see Billy then head over to Paul's. I'll probably stay the night there so don't wait up or anything." Just then super hottie walks over and introduces himself and I'm stammering like an idiot so Jake does the whole this is Bella my baby sister thing and he walks away.

"Good first impression Bella, at least I don't have to worry about you and men." Jake shakes his head. Ha! If he only knew… I don't know why this hottie has me all stupid. "But please just come to dinner tonight. Then run off if you must. Embry will be there right? I don't trust Paul with you Bella. He has a reputation." Haha! I'm part of that reputation.

"I'm not in the mood for a family dinner Jake. I have them every night. And I'm sure Embry will be there drooling over me and begging me to go out with him. He usually is." I roll my eyes.

"They're not your family though." He pouts. "And Embry would be so good for you. He would take care of you and give you everything you ever wanted."

"I have everything I want. I'm a simple girl." I smile and we both know I'm lying. I like money but I have enough of it.

"One night?" He begs.

"Fine! On one condition, you have to invite super hottie." I give him my puppy dog eyes.

"He has a girlfriend Bella!"

"See you tomorrow, Jake." I laugh and start to walk out when he grabs me.

"I'll invite him and his girlfriend." Jake offers and I agree knowing it's the best I'm going to get.

After I leave instead of going to Billy's since I now have to have dinner with him I go to the furniture store Paul and Embry work at.

"Hey Bella." Embry smiles and hugs me. "You coming over tonight?" He asks hopefully.

"If I can escape dinner with Jake and Billy and super hottie." I tell him.

"Super hottie? And since when do you family dinners?" Paul asks from behind me and I jump and they both laugh.

"I do family dinners every night with my happy little Seattle family. And I only agreed to this to spend time with sup… Sam. From the shop. Unfortunately Jake insists on inviting his girlfriend." I pout.

"His girlfriend dumped him a while ago." Embry offers trying to make me feel better and it totally works.

"That jerk! He better be there or I'm not staying." Damn Jake.

"What's the deal with Sam? Why is Jake lying?" I ask Embry knowing he can't lie to me.

"Probably because you're his baby sister and Sam is 25. That's way too old for you Bella." Embry defends Jake. Ha. If they only knew of my 43 year old lover.

"Are you trying to replace me babe?" Paul asks with a fake look of hurt on his face.

"Nope. I don't do friends, are you friends with him?" I ask and he shakes his head while poor Embry rolls his eyes and walks away.

I ask Paul if I can have the keys to his house so I can drinking before dinner but Embry comes up and grabs them from me.

"Embry come on, I need this. Please?" I beg him with my best pouty lips but he just shakes his head no.

"Bella, I care about you and I'm not letting you drink and then drive home." He explains.

"I hate you!" I yell at him and storm out.

Having nowhere to go now I go home.

"Billy, I'm here!" I yell as I walk in still pissed at Embry.

"Hey sweetheart! You come by to say hi before you run off to Paul's?" He hugs me and I feel a tiny bit guilty.

"Actually I told Jake I would stay for dinner. He's inviting a guy from his shop." I must look a little too happy because he laughs at me.

I just glare at him and head to my room to find something hot to wear.


	3. Chapter 3

I put on a super tight red dress that I know is going to make Jake flip the freak out. I put my hair in pigtails because it works for me. I walk back downstairs and Jake is just walking in, takes one look at me and flips out right on schedule.

"If you don't go change I'm cancelling Bella." He's trying not to yell.

"Fine, then I'm going to Paul's now." I grab my bag and then Billy tells Jake to calm down I look fine because he just wants me to stay for dinner.

"Bella please?" He pleads but I just smile and shake my head no.

He storms upstairs to change and when the doorbell rings and I open the door to super hottie looking even hotter and girlfriendless, I guess Embry was right. I'll make Jake pay for this.

"Um, hi sup… Sam. Come on in. Jake should be down in a minute." I'm blushing like crazy and it's kind of pissing me off.

"Nice to see you again Bella, you look nice." He's trying not to stare.

"Thank you. So do you." I smile and show him into the living room where Billy greets him. He's apparently been here before.

Suddenly I wonder what Jake's plan for dinner actually is. I'm the only one who can cook and I obviously didn't. They live on pizza and pre made food. I run upstairs and ask Jake and he says he thought I was going to cook and I tell him he's an idiot because I don't even want to be here why would I cook and now we're going to look stupid inviting supper hottie for dinner and then ordering pizza.

"It's either pizza or you go cook something Bella." He tells me and I sigh at his idiocy and see if there is even anything to actually cook.

No, nothing to cook.

"Um, Sam I'm sorry my stupid brother seems to have forgotten that dinner typically includes some type of food. So we can either order pizza or I can run to the store to get stuff to make something a little less gross. It's really up to you." I smile at him hoping it doesn't hold Jake being stupid against me.

"You don't like pizza?" He asks and I tell him no, it's disgusting. I seriously don't see the appeal. Then he offers to come to the store with me and I'm thinking maybe Jake being stupid could work for me.

I run upstairs, tell Jake who is now in the shower we're going to store, steal some money from his desk drawer and ignore his bitching about how I'm dressed.

We take Sam's car and luckily he talks to whole time, probably thinking I'm this shy little girl, which for some reason I am with him. Once we get to the store I tell him I can cook just about anything he wants and he asks for lasagna which is just as bad as pizza but I just smile and get the stuff for it along with salad stuff so I will have something to eat plus stuff to make cherry pie which I love and it the only flavor Jake hates. Yeah, I'm still pissed about the girlfriend thing and the hassle about my outfit.

I try to convince Sam to buy me some tequila since Billy and Jake only have beer but he refuses and I'm starting to think maybe he's not all that great. We check out, head home and he tries to help me cook but I won't let him. No man comes in the kitchen when I cook. Super-hot or not. Carlisle doesn't even get away with that and it's his kitchen. Dinner takes about an hour and they are all in the living room watching some lame baseball game and drinking which pisses me off because I would like to be drinking but I don't drink beer. Finally we all sit down to dinner and everyone is going and on about how good it is and Jake keeps looking at me funny and I know it's because he knows I hate it and refuse to make it except for on birthdays.

"So Sam where is your girlfriend? Jake said he was inviting both of you," I ask sweetly and Jake almost chokes.

"I don't have a girlfriend." He tells me and looks at Jake funny because of course Jake knew this.

"Oh! I guess I misunderstood." I tell him and he just looks confused.

We move on to pie which is of course amazing as Jake sits there pissed at me for making cherry.

"You're a really good cook Bella." Sam tells me as he helps me clear the dishes.

"Thanks! It was kind of a necessity growing up with these two and the twins."

I tell Jake he needs to do the dishes and he ignores me until Billy yells at him so Sam and I move into the living room to talk about jobs and friends and all that other normally boring crap that with him I find so interesting. What the hell is this Bella I think?

"Bella!" Jake yells from the kitchen so I tell Sam I will be right back.

"What do you want? I already made dinner for your family dinner I am not doing this too." I tell him.

"You're not going to have sex with Sam. I won't let you and he's better than that."

"Um that hurts asshole. Saying someone is better than your own sister. And I'm not trying to have sex with him. I think I actually like him." I pretend to cry. I can totally cry on demand.

"Oh Bella I didn't mean he's better that you just that's he's better to go after a freaking teenager! He's too old for you."

"I'm old enough to make my own decisions Jake. I'm out of here. I'll see you next month." I turn and walk out ignoring his demanding then begging to stop.

"Sam, I'm so sorry but Jake is being an asshole so I'm out. It was so nice meeting you and I hope to see you soon." I smile.

"Bye Bella, it was nice meeting you too." He hugs me and I almost melt.

I hear Jake yelling at Billy that he didn't have to just let me go and I laugh, Jake knows that Billy never stops me from doing anything.

I drive to Paul's and walk in and Embry gets up to hug me but Paul is sitting on the couch with some girl hanging all over him. Just great. We both agree this is just about the sex but usually he keeps the other girls away when I'm here.

"Bella, I thought you be busy with Sam tonight. This is Leah." He seems surprised.

"Hi Leah, I came to get drunk and have sex with Paul. Are you going to get in the way of that? Because if you are I will just leave now." I ask her dead serious. Embry just rolls his eyes and Paul looks pissed but Leah looks at me for a second, cracks up laughing and says she's not leaving but we can share. That is good enough for me so I start drinking.

A few hours later there is a knock at the door and Embry answers and there is Sam.

"Sam!" I yell. I'm a happy drunk I think.

"Hey, you're drunk." He tells me. "I came to check on you, you seemed upset when you left and Jake wouldn't tell me anything."

"That's because he thinks I want to screw you! But I didn't! I really wanted to get to know you. But Jake thinks I'm a slut which is ironic because I'm actually only screwing Paul and Carlisle, two people Jake has no clue about!" I'm still yelling and somewhere in the back of my mind I realize I just told everyone about Carlisle but I don't seem to care. Something about the combination of being drunk and Sam is making me very talkative.

Then I hear Paul yelling Carlisle at the same time Embry is yelling you're screwing your boss Bella? And I tell them both yes I love him but I really like Sam and now I'm confused.

Then I guess I pass out.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning in a strange bed in a strange house with a killer hangover. Not really sure what to do, I lie really still and look around for my phone. I've been drunk before and I've passed out before but I've always woke up at Paul's house in Paul's bed usually with Paul next to me, sometimes Embry which is odd but he's sweet so whatever. I don't see my phone so I slowly get up and to my relief at least I'm dressed even if I'm not in my clothes. Paul's clothes, I know this shirt. So Paul's clothes but not his house. I slowly walk out of the room when Sam comes out of the room next to me and scares the crap out of me.

"Holy crap! What the hell are you doing here?" I scream at him and he just laughs and says it's his house.

"Um, you're gonna need to explain please." I mumble.

So he tells me how after I passed out he told Paul and Embry he was going to take me home and they both told him if I woke up at my house I would take off no matter how drunk I still was so he said he would take me to his house which Paul agreed to quickly and Embry told him no way in hell so he threatened to tell Jake about me and Paul and call the cops telling them they have a drunk underage girl with them (Paul and Embry are both 21 like Jake) so Embry really had no choice except to agree then he told me that Paul changed me before he took me so I would be more comfortable. He apparently didn't want to let Paul do it but they convinced him it wasn't anything he hadn't seen and if I were not passed out I would choose him. So true.

"Damn. Um, but why?" I ask suddenly very shy and nervous.

"I don't really know. You just deserve better than them using you like their toy. Plus Jake's a good friend and I couldn't leave you there with you being his little sister." He tries to explain.

"They don't use me. Embry doesn't even touch me and everything I do with Paul is done willingly and quite enjoyed. And Jake's not really my brother and he's only 2 years older than me." I want to be pissed but for reason I'm not.

"Bella, I'm sorry OK? I just couldn't leave you there." He actually looks sorry so I sigh and tell him whatever, it's fine.

"Do want me to take you home?" He asks and I tell him no I want him to take me back to Paul's house. That's where I stay when I'm here and I have no intentions of seeing Jake again this month.

"You could stay here for a while." He offers and I know he's trying to keep me from Paul but at the same time I like the idea of spending more time with him.

"I'll stay for a little while but then you'll take me back to Paul's right?" I ask him and he reluctantly agrees.

He makes me breakfast and I'm impressed that he can actually cook, very rare quality in men.

He's surprisingly easy to talk to and he doesn't bring up anything that happened last night.

Someone knocks at the door and I know nothing good ever comes from that. Sam opens it and lets Embry and Paul in. Awesome. Embry walks up to me and hugs me and then starts yelling at me about Carlisle.

Crap. I forgot about all that.

"Embry, please just drop it. It's my life and I love him. Love him." I whisper.

"Bella, no I won't drop this. If you go back to Seattle I will tell Jake about Carlisle." He threatens me and I'm pretty sure he's serious because Embry is the one that will give me anything I want. The one that's kept my sex with Paul a secret from his best friend because he has feelings for me, the one that watches me with sadness every time I get drunk and every time I leave for Seattle. He has never threatened me so I'm pretty sure he's serious.

So I slap him. Logical reaction I think. Paul is laughing and Embry looks hurt and Sam asks them both to leave and to please hold off on telling Jake for a while.

As soon as they leave I tell Sam he needs to drive me back to my car because I'm out of here. I know they are not going to hold off on telling Jake, they are probably on the way now and I need to be far, far away when he finds out.

"Bella, I know this is none of my business but maybe you should just stay. Sleeping with your boss whom I assume is married and much older than you is not a good thing." He's trying to make me see reason but I'm pissed now.

"You're right this is none of your business now take me to my car." He sighs and gets his keys.

We get to my car and he gives me his # and tells me to call if I need anything and I ask him to please not tell Jake anything that that Paul and Embry didn't. I know at least they won't tell him about Paul. He promises me and I can tell he doesn't like it but whatever.

"One last thing Sam, please tell Billy I won't be back next month. I don't need the judging and the drama." He nods, hugging me and I melt again. I get in and drive away.

Looking back at him I feel… I just feel. I drink and I have sex because it numbs the nothing. I say I love Carlisle but the little bit of time I spent with Sam is making me question even that. Sex with Carlisle is hot but that's it, I'm attracted to him but my heart doesn't skip a beat when he smiles and I've never melted into his arms. I'm not sure he's even ever hugged me. It's not like I'm his WIFE. Just the nanny he screws when she's not there.

Holy crap. Spending less than a day with Sam is making me question everything I thought I was so sure of just a few days ago. And for what? Yes I am extremely attracted to him but that's it. I barely know him. I just like the way he looks at me. Like maybe I'm more than just someone to just get into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

I get home, to Seattle that is and try to sneak up to my room. It's only Saturday afternoon, I'm not supposed to be here for 2 days. I'm almost safe when my phone rings and Jasper and Rosalie both come bounding out of their rooms screaming my name. This day just keeps getting better and better.

"Hey kidlets, where is your daddy? Bella is very tired and really wants to take a long nap." I ask the twins but they are babbling about everything under the sun when Edward comes out and runs to hug me and Alice comes out telling me she needs help with her homework.

This isn't going to work so well. Finally Carlisle comes out of his office and pries the little ones off of me and tells Alice to take them down and give them a snack. She's clearly annoyed but does it anyways. Once they are downstairs out of hearing range he asks me what's wrong but I don't do that. I don't tell him what happens in Forks just like I don't tell them what happens here. Well, I didn't until last night.

"I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to come back early and hide in my room until Monday. Didn't really think it through, like the kids have any concept of time off." I laugh.

"I'll keep them away." He promises me. I tell him thank you and then lock my door.

I check my messages and I having a raging mad VM from Jake and text message from Embry saying he's sorry but it's for my own good and a text from Paul saying he's sorry but even he can't let me keep doing this. Great, he decides to care now. The phone starts ringing again and expecting Jake I just turn it off.

I fall asleep only to wake up I don't know how long later to knocking on my door. Highly annoyed but putting on my good nanny face I crack it open ready to tell whoever it is to go find daddy. Except it is daddy.

"Carlisle, is everything OK?" I ask him.

"Oh yeah of course, I'm sorry. You were asleep. I just wanted to see you; do you want to come to my room?" Of course that's what he wants and I'm so not in the mood.

"Um actually Carlisle I don't think that's a good idea." I tell him slowly.

"Of course, you're tired. But if you change your mind…" He looks, upset almost angry. I guess I've never told him no. Not wanting to push him but not really wanting to postpone this I try again.

"I'm not just tired, I don't think we should do this anymore. At least for a while. This weekend, a lot of crap happened and I just need time to think, figure out what I want." I tell him quietly.

The look in his eyes changes from almost anger to full outrage and I'm almost scared. Not quite though, he's never been violent and there are 4 kids in the house not far down the hall. I barely finished telling myself I'm safe when before I can stop him he grabs me, puts his hand over my mouth so I can't scream and drags me to his room.

And for the second time in 24 hours I pass out.

"Bella, Bella honey you have to wake up." Someone is shaking me awake, Jake, Jake is shaking me awake. I'm in Seattle, why is Jake here?

"Jake, what's going on? Are you OK?" I whisper, I don't feel very good.

"Holy crap Bella! Am I OK? Do you not know what just happened to you?" He's yelling and I start crying at which point Embry pushes him away and sits on my bed and holds me.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to yell. But when Embry called after Alice called…" Jake is practically whispering now.

"Alice? Why did she call you?" I ask Embry ignoring Jake.

"Because her father dragged you to his room and he was so focused on that he didn't notice his teenage daughter watching from her doorway. And because I'm listed first alphabetically in your phone." He tells me softly still holding me.

"Oh! No! I told him no! And he was mad and then it happened so fast! Alice and Edward and the twins! Are they OK?" I'm freaking out now and he's holding me into him to keep me from running probably.

"CPS took the kids and called their mom. They took Carlisle to jail, and there is a cop downstairs waiting to get a statement. They let us sit with you until you woke up. They had you checked out and you were fine just knocked out. You're fine Bella. You have to give your statement and then you can come home with us." Embry explains.

"I need to see the kids. I'm the one that's there for them. They need me." I demand but he tells me I'm just the nanny, they are going to have to wait for Esme.

Of course, I'm just the nanny. For the past year I've raised those kids. Stayed up with them when they were sick, helped them with homework. I know what their favorite foods are, what books the twins like for bedtime, and what CD Edward wants when he's crying for his mommy and what Alice's boyfriends name is. Neither Carlisle nor Esme know these things! I'm just the nanny to everyone else but not to them. To them I'm the one who actually cares. I break down sobbing and Jake tries to come to me but Embry won't let him.

"It's OK Embry; Jake can sit with me." I tell him through the crying so Embry lets me go and Jake holds onto me.

"I am so sorry I yelled Bella. But I was so scared. You are coming home with us. I love you and even if you hate me you are coming home. I'll let you get ready; I'll go tell the cop you'll be done in a few minutes. He leaves me with Embry and he helps me stand up and get dressed all the way and walk slowly down the stairs.

I give my statement and we go home. Home, to Forks because I have no place in Seattle now.


	6. Chapter 6

Once I get home Jake and Embry let me go to my room. Billy looks at me with pure sadness on his face and I know not only does he know but he feels like he let me down. But that's not it at all. I may be young but I'm not stupid, I made my own decisions. They were just really bad ones. I can't sleep so I just lie in bed and try to figure out what I'm going to do now. This job was my ticket to freedom and now it's gone. And even worse the kids are out of my life, I love those kids. As if she knows I'm thinking about her kids Esme calls.

She tells me she's so sorry for what happened and even though she knows we have been sleeping together for a while she doesn't hold any of this against me and I can keep in contact with the kids even keep my job if I want since Carlisle will not be allowed anywhere near the kids. I tell her thanks and I will think about it and how sorry I am to which she responds she's the only one who should be sorry, that I'm just a kid and she should have never left him alone with me.

Do I want my job back? I love those kids with all my heart but I just don't know if I can handle being in that house. Plus I seriously doubt Jake is ever going to let me out of this house.

Thinking since it's the middle of the night it should be safe to go downstairs and get something to eat since I'm starving but not in a Jake mood I tiptoe down but Jake and Embry are on the couch.

"Hey Bella, do you need anything? Can I get you something to drink or eat?" Embry asks. I can tell he's worried.

"Tequila?" I ask. He looks at Jake and Jake says he really doesn't care right now so Embry tells me he'll be back in a few minutes.

"The stores are closed Embry, just take me to Paul's. I know that's where you're going." I beg but Jake says no way to that.

"Come on Bella, I'll let you drink but I want to be here for you. You've been through a lot." Jake half tells/half asks because he knows that just because Embry won't take me doesn't mean I won't go.

"Fine! I will let you hold me hostage for the rest of tonight but that's it!" I yell at him and Embry goes. "She offered to let me keep my job." I tell him.

"No way Bella. You can find something here, I will help you. You don't even really have to work if you don't want. You could go to school, you know you have the money from your parents to help for school."

My parents left me money that I can either use for college or have when I turn 25. I'm waiting till I turn 25. I have no interest in school. What would I even do? I'm not stupid but I'm not all that smart either. It's not like I have anything I'm passionate about or even a causal hobby besides drinking and sex. Except my kids, who aren't mine anymore. I do want my job back I think. But I don't know if I can do it. Aggh! I need my tequila!

Soon Embry is back and he makes me a drink and I drink it way too fast and he makes me another one and finally one more and then I think maybe I can sleep without all this crap swirling around in my head.

When I wake up again the sun is streaming through my window and before I leave my room I get clothes together because I am going to take a shower and then I am out of here. To where I don't know but out. I gave Jake his night of me playing the good girl and staying put. I take my shower and creep downstairs to where Jake is crashed on the couch with Embry on the other couch watching TV. I put my finger over my mouth to tell him to keep his mouth shut and I walk out, get in my car and just drive.

Half way to Seattle I realize I'm not just driving. Like a bad habit I'm headed home, even if it's not my home anymore. I call Esme to make sure it's OK to come by and see the kids and she says of course. She's probably hoping I want to stay so she can take off.

Jake calls and I almost ignore it but I know he's worried so I decide to play nice. He's flipping out and I tell him that I am going to see my kids and discuss things with Esme. Sometime during the night I decided to not take my job back but I need to see my kids and tell them I love them and I will always be there if they really need me and how none of this is their fault. He's pissed and he says that he could have taken me with but I explain I didn't plan this when I left and then I hang up. I'm trying but I'm not dealing with him treating me like a child who has no say in her own life.

Once I get there I walk up to the door debating on whether I should knock or use my key. I decide to use my key since I plan on giving it back anyways.

The twins and Edward run up to me and hug me while Alice hangs back and I feel so bad for her. Esme comes out of the kitchen and gives me a sad smile and tells me to come on in.

"Hi Alice, how are you?" I ask her genuinely concerned.

"How do you think I am Bella? My dad is a monster, my mom is too busy for us and I know you're not here to stay. So I'm peachy, thanks." She's trying to sound sarcastic but it comes out more broken little girl.

"I am so sorry you had to see that Alice." I tell her quietly.

"Was it the first time Bella?" She asks and I don't know what to say.

Esme is looking at me and she shakes her head yes and she's begging me with her eyes.

"It was the first time Alice." And my heart breaks lying to her.

I spend a couple of hours with the little kids and then tell Esme that I would like to keep in touch and visit but I can't stay. But I offer to find a replacement and she agrees. So I make arrangements to stay for the week for interviews.

I feel like I am giving up my kids.

_A/N for anyone reading this I won't be able to post until probably Wednesday and then Monday after that. Please review! If you think it sucks please tell me why. _


	7. Chapter 7

Jake of course flips out when he realizes I'm staying the week and demands to come stay with me. Ha. Not happening.

"_Fine I don't know why you hate me so much but you need to let someone stay with you!" _

"_He's in jail, Jake. And I don't hate you. But this has been my life for over a year, I'm fine, I'm safe and I'm not going to run." _

"_Embry will come. Shit Bella I will even send Sam!" _

"_Why would I want you to send Sam?" _

"_Oh come on, I love you Bella and I know you. I know you like him. He's too old for you but considering you've been screwing your much older boss I guess he's an improvement." _

"_Leave him out of this. If you're not going to drop this send Embry." _

He agrees and I run to check with Esme and she agrees so Embry is all set to be here this evening. Super.

Once he gets here I set him up in one of the rooms and introduce him to my kids. I have to stop thinking about them as my kids. The twins and Edward take to him immediately and Alice comes around.

"So Embry, are you Bella's boyfriend?" Alice asks him as we sit down to dinner.

"Oh no, not for not trying though." He answers and I glare at him.

"What's wrong with you Bella?" Alice asks me and I don't even know what to say.

"Alice, stop being rude." Esme scolds her and Alice tells her to shut up.

"Alice, be nice to your mom." I tell her softly. She's always like this when her mom bothers to be around.

"Why should I be?" She asks and Esme gets up and walks out. Real mature.

"Alice you know I have to leave. You understand that right? Your mom is really trying I think. You're going to need her and you really need to set a better example for the little ones. I'll always be here for if you really need me but you're going to have to give your mom and the new nanny a chance. Please Alice?" This is hard for me already but she's making it so much harder.

Embry is just sitting there like what the hell is going on?

We finish dinner awkwardly with the twins babbling and Edward talking to Embry like he's his new best friend.

After dinner Esme comes back in to clean up and after I get all the kids to bed I go to my room and Embry follows me.

"You want to sleep in here with me?" I ask him. I don't really want to be alone in this room. The last place everything was normal.

"Won't that be weird with the kids?" He asks nervously.

"Seriously? I screwed their dad right down the hall! They sleep through just about anything. No actually anything, except the sun. The sun hits and they are up. And I'm asking you to just sleep Em. I don't want to be alone, not here, not tonight." I whisper and suddenly I'm glad Jake forced me into this and I'm even more glad that it's not him or Sam. Sam…

"What has Jake said about Sam?" I ask Embry as I change clothes with him looking all nervous. He's acting weird. I change in front of him all the time; usually Paul is there too but still.

"Um, nothing?" He tries but I glare at him.

"He's a good guy Bella, Jake likes him but he's old for you. Obviously not as old as Carlisle but still. But he thinks Sam might like you and he knows you like him so he said he won't get in the way but he'll kill him if he hurts you." He tells me.

"It doesn't matter Embry. I don't like Sam. It was all an act." I lie to him.

"I know when you're lying Bella, why?" He asks and I hate how well he knows me.

"Because I don't think I can ever let another man touch me. And nobody's going to want me like that." I whisper.

"Bella, any man good enough for you will wait for you for as long as it takes." Embry holds me as I cry.

"Like you?" I ask him not really thinking.

"I know you'll never love me Bella. I've known that for a long time and it hurt at first but now I don't know. I'll take what I can get, even if it means making sure you don't get too drunk and sitting in the other room when you're Paul. I don't like it at all. I hate it when you drink and I hate Paul sometimes, even if he is my best friend, for the way he is with you. I hope someday I can meet someone to love that loves me but when I look at you I doubt it." He tells me quietly and I feel awful. He is so good just like Jake says but I can't change how I feel.

"I'm sorry Embry. You're a good friend. I'm lucky to have you. And so you know, I'm done with Paul too. Lay with me, just hold me please." I lead him to bed and we lay down.

"I'm sorry I don't love you Embry." I tell him just before I fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning I wake up early and make breakfast for everyone before posting a nanny ad on the nanny website I was hired through. Within the hour I have at least a hundred responses. I'm not surprised since the pay is amazing. I sort through them and narrow it down to about 30. I call them all and set interviews over the rest of the week. I plan on letting Alice have a lot of say and Edward having a little say, the twins are too little.

Since its Sunday I set a lot for today and then the rest for after school.

The kids all come downstairs and eat so I go hide out in my room for a while. It's all so strange. I wasn't even supposed to come back until tomorrow and now I'm getting ready to conduct interviews for my replacement. Not to mention I never mixed Forks and Seattle and now Embry is sleeping in my bed.

Not wanting to wake him I sit on the floor and look around, thinking I need to pack up. In a year I've accumulated a lot of stuff here. I have more here than I do in Forks.

"Bella why are you on the floor?" Embry mumbles still half asleep.

"Didn't want to wake you but since you are awake now I'm going to start packing." I tell him as I get up. I pack everything except the clothes I'll need until I leave, the book I'm reading and the jewelry Carlisle bought me. That can stay here.

Embry helps me carry everything to the car.

"Why you take your stuff way Bell?" Rosalie asks and I can't stop from crying.

"Rosie, I'm not going to live here anymore. I'm going to find you a new nanny baby." I try to explain.

"No! You the nanny!" She screams.

"Oh Rosie I'm so sorry baby. But you're going to be so happy with the new one, I promise you." I hope I'm right.

Embry is just watching us and I feel so weird, him seeing me like this. I'm a completely different person here.

"Are you sure this is what you want Bella?" He asks quietly as Rosalie sobs into my shoulder and I just shake my head no. I'm not sure this is what I want at all. I'm not only losing my kids but they are losing me too. Sure Esme is trying for the moment but old habits are hard to break. And they just lost their dad!

"Go find Jasper Rosie, I promise I'm not leaving for a while." I tell her and she runs off.

"Bella you could stay. He's in jail, he's going to go to prison and when he gets out you can keep him away and you know she's going to keep him away from the kids. I know Jake says no but he really can't control you. I don't really like the thought of you here, I never have, I like you close but you're not the same drunk, wild Bella here. You seem so much happier." He tells me even though I can tell it's hard for him. He really does care about me.

"I already told her no." I whisper.

"You can change your mind Bella. I doubt any of the nannies you interview will live up to your expectations anyways. I see how much you love my kids. I'm actually kind of jealous. I'm going to be here more but I still need you, I still have to be away." Esme tells me, I didn't even notice her walk up.

"But that room," I start and she assures me I can have any room I want.

"Embry, I want to stay." I whisper.

"Then stay Bella. I will keep Jake away but you're going to have to keep visiting you know that right?" I agree even if I don't really want to.

"I'll have nowhere to escape Jake now though." I doubt Paul will want me there if he's not sleeping with me and Embry knows exactly what I mean luckily because Esme is still standing there.

"If you really can't stand staying there that much you can stay with me. Plus Paul does care, I'm sure you can still stay there." He tells me but I doubt it.

"And Bella your friends can come stay here anytime they want. This is your life and your home. Please feel welcome to invite people. I trust your judgment and I know you won't do anything you shouldn't do while the kids are awake." Yeah she knows because she knows what I was doing with her husband.

"Why are you being so nice? I was sleeping with him Esme." I hate to ask but I have to know.

"You're so young Bella, whether you want to believe it or not he took advantage of you. Plus I've been a terrible wife and mother and I'm not going to make my kids suffer for our mistakes." She says sadly. "Go pick a room and please tell Alice and Rosalie, they are both very upset."

"Thank you Esme. I am very sorry but I do love those kids." I tell her and she just says I know.

I grab Embry by the hand and go to pick out which room I want which kind of makes me sad because my current room is in the perfect place. Just down the hall from all the kids but far enough that I can listen to my music after they are asleep and they can't hear me and I can't hear every little noise at night but I can hear if they start crying. The house has 2 stories plus a basement and an attic that is actually finished into a room. Carlisle did it for Alice but she got scared the first night.

"Um, Bella maybe you should tell the little girl you're staying and then pick a room. She still sounds really sad." Embry suggests and I realize he's right. I was happy about staying and then picking a room I didn't even notice.

"You're right; I just got caught up in the moment I guess." Then I take off after her screaming yelling her name.

Finally I find her in the playroom with Jasper bringing her toy after toy trying to comfort her and Alice staring at her like yeah that's how I feel too.

"Rosie, come here." I hold my arms out and she runs to me and I pick her up. "You don't have to have a new nanny baby. I'm staying OK? I'm sorry I made you sad. But it's OK now." I'm talking to Rosalie but looking at Alice.

"Promise Bell?" Rosalie asks through her tears and I shake my head yes and she squeals and Alice hugs me.

"Thank you Bella." Alice smiles at me and I know this is the right decision.


	9. Chapter 9

A couple of days later Embry is getting ready to go home. He helped me unpack all the stuff I had packed up and took the jewelry to a pawn shop for me. I told him to keep the money; I wanted nothing to do with it.

"Thank you so much Embry for everything. I hope Jake doesn't kill you." I tell him as he gets his stuff in his car.

"Jake knows I care about you. He'll be pissed but he'll get over it." He kisses the top of my head and just as he is about to get in all 4 kids coming running to tell him good bye. They all adore him and he's really good with them. He tells them all good bye and hugs the little ones. "Call me Bella if you need anything and I'll see you next month." I wave as he drives off and then I get back to my life. My real life, the one where I feel most like me.

I bake cookies with the twins and then sit with Edward as he practices piano and help Alice with her homework. Esme is not out of town but even when she's here she works late most nights but as dinner time comes around it's weird to know Carlisle is not coming. Just as I call the kids in to eat Jake calls. I assume Embry just showed up without me.

"_Not a good time Jake, I have to feed the kids." _

"_You're not even supposed to be there Bella! I'm pretty sure you can take 5 minutes to talk to me." _

I silently ask Alice to put the twins in their chairs and make the plates.

"_I wasn't going to stay Jake but I love these kids. Ask Embry, it was kind of his idea." _

"_Yeah he told me and that's the only reason I'm not coming down there to drag you back. He's says you're happy there, and different. And he says you promised to keep coming to visit monthly. Promise me Bella." _

"_Promise Jake, and don't be mad at Embry. I love you, I know I never tell you but I do. Please tell Billy I love him too. I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight." _

"_I'm not mad at him. I know he cares about you almost as much as I do. Love you too Bella." _

That went much easier than expected but I have a feeling it's not the end of it.

As dinner goes on Alice is talking about some boy and Edward is talking about music and the twins are babbling and throwing food at each other. So much fun. But I love them anyways.

Esme comes home and instead of heading straight to her office she plays with the twins and listens to Edward play piano and when it's time for bedtime she helps me get them all ready which is actually kind of a pain but I know she's trying. Once the little ones are in bed I watch TV with Alice for a while before she has to go to bed.

"Bella, why don't you go out with Embry?" She asks not in an annoying way but curious.

"I just don't feel that way about him Alice. I like him a lot as my friend but that's it." I tell her.

"I would love to have a boy look at me like he looks at you. Is there another guy you do like?" She asks and I really think about it. I obviously can't tell her a week ago I thought I loved her dad and I'm not sure how I really feel about Sam.

"I don't really know Alice. There is a guy but I don't know how I feel about him." I tell her honestly.

"So there is hope for Embry?" She asks smiling.

"Um, no?' I say her and she laughs.

"It's getting late Alice, you should go to bed." She huffs but goes just like she always does.

I clean up the house a bit then go to bed myself. I'm always tired lately; all these emotions have drained me.

Soon everything is back to normal with the obviously missing Carlisle.

I keep in touch with Jake a lot more and I talk to Embry a lot more over the phone. He's a really good friend.

Soon it is time to go back home for my long weekend. Esme doesn't have the flexibility that Carlisle did so I hired a fill in nanny.

Normally she won't need to be here until the kids get off school but since this is her first weekend I have her come before I leave to show her around and let the twins get used to her. Rosalie is sobbing and clinging to me and I hate leaving her. She's been like this since Carlisle in her mind just disappeared.

"Rosie, its just 4 days just like always baby. I always come back don't I?" She nods but she's still clinging to me and I can't leave her. Not when she already feels abandoned. I call Esme and ask her if she minds if I take Rosalie with me and she says she doesn't mind but she's sure she will be fine. She would think that, she barely knows her.

I tell Alexa, the fill in nanny the new plan and she's relieved to not have to deal with Rosalie. I ask Jasper if he's going to be OK with Alexa while Rosalie is with me and he shakes his head yes and grabs Alexa's hand. Thank goodness, I don't know where I'm going to put her much less both of them. This probably means I'll have to stay with Jake so she can sleep with me. Embry has a one bedroom apartment and no way can we stay at Paul's now. Awesomeness Rosie, awesomeness. I kiss Jasper good bye and put Rosalie in the car and off we go.

About half way there I realize that I don't have anything for Rosalie. No clothes or toys, nothing. This whole mixing Forks and Seattle is still so new. But I figure this is going to be the new monthly regular thing so I might as well get her a set of stuff for my house so we stop at the next Target I see. Her mom would flip if she knew her daughter was wearing clothes from Target but oh well! I get her enough clothes to where she's not wearing the same stuff every month and let her pick out a few toys. Then we pick up bath stuff and pajamas and shoes and some of her favorite snacks and a couple of her favorite movies. I hope that's enough! There aren't great shopping options in Forks. We check out and finish the drive.

Once we get there I stop by the auto shop like I always do and unbuckle Rosalie.

"Come on baby, you get to meet my way overprotective big brother. You should learn from me because one day you'll have to deal with Edward and probably Jasper too." I tell her knowing she has no idea what I'm talking about.

"Edward, Jas?" She asks. She's just so cute, I just smile and we go in.

"Bella! Why do you have a kid?" He goes from happy to pissed in like 2 seconds.

"She didn't want me to go. She's been through a lot and you will be nice to her. I plan on sleeping at the house but if you so much as look at her funny, I will sleep at Embry's with Rosie on his couch if I have to." I warn him.

He says hi to her and she buries her face in my shoulder.

Sam comes up and says hi to both of us but I can see the confusion on his face so I fill in.

"You're very cute Rosalie." Sam tells her and she gives him a small smile.

"So I guess I will see you this evening Jake, Sam you can come by for dinner if you want. I'm going to make tacos, its Rosie's favorite and I want her to feel comfortable." I tell them both. "I'm going to go by the furniture store to invite Embry too. And Paul I guess."

Jake is looking at me like I'm insane and I know there is no going back to no mixing Forks and Seattle, I just can't be the bitch I am here with Rosalie here. Sam says he'll be there and I smile and say great and we leave.

"Embry!" Rosalie yells and jumps out of my arms as soon as we walk in the door at the store.

"Hey Rosie." He smiles and picks her up then looks at me in confusion. I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of that today.

"She wouldn't let me leave her. I mean I could've but I couldn't." I try to explain and he gets it. He's probably the only one that will since he's the only one how knows how I am with my kids.

"Hey Bella." Paul comes out of nowhere. "Whose kid did you steal?" He asks and Embry explains everything for me. "So I guess you're not coming over tonight?" He asks and I tell him no but I wasn't planning on it anyways.

"So you would be OK if we stopped you know?" Not wanting to say it with Rosalie listening which impresses me because he doesn't seem like the type to care.

"Oh course, I was planning on it anyways but why, just curious?" I ask him.

"I actually really like Leah and she asks me too. Not just you though." He's suddenly nervous and it's cute actually.

"That's really good. Hey do you want to come for dinner? You can invite her. Sam will be there, you too Embry?" I ask them both and they both say yes. Neither of them can cook so I figured they would.

"You're sure this is all OK Bella?" Paul asks and I tell him yes. I really was planning on telling him this weekend I was done with all that and now since I have Rosie the drinking too for the most part but he's been there for me in his own maybe messed up way and I would really like to be friends.

"You're a good person Bella; I hope things work out with you and Sam." He tells me and hugs me and I see the look in Embry's eyes.

"Um, I'm not really going to go for Sam. I mean I like him but I don't think I want or need a relationship right now. I just kind of want to be friends with him too." I tell him and he says whatever and goes back to work.

"Are you still staying with me Bella? You and Rosie can take my bed if you want." Embry offers. I tell him I'm going to try staying home but if Jake pisses me off I might and tell him thanks.

"Come on Rosie; let's go home, to my home. You probably need a nap." I try to take her but she holds on to Embry. Of course he would be the one person she likes better than me!

"Stay." She demands.

"Rosie, Embry has to work, he'll come over later." She looks at him for confirmation and he promises to see her soon and reluctantly she comes back to me.

"Sorry about that." I whisper as he walks to the car with us and he tells me not to worry about it, he likes her too.

When we get home I go through the whole story with Billy and then put her down for a nap in my bed.

I make Billy and I lunch and we sit and watch TV and catch up on life. It's been forever since it's been just the two of us. I know he wants to bring up the Carlisle thing but he doesn't.

"I'm sorry Billy." I finally tell him. "Sorry for being a horrible person and never really coming to visit you. I love you as much as I loved my own dad. It's just hard being here sometimes especially with Jake." I'm trying not to cry.

"Don't be sorry Bella. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have let you run wild after it first happened. And Jake loves you; I know he's a bit over the top though. You're a good person, just seeing you with that little girl proves it. And I understand why you stayed with them." He tells me and I hug him and he's shocked and I feel so bad.

I give everything I am to my kids; I need to give more to my family here.


	10. Chapter 10

Dinner goes well with Rosie clinging to either me or Embry; it's strange how she's so comfortable with him. Jake is playing nice though I can tell he's not happy she's here but I don't really care. Sam is of course still hot and good with her. She'll talk to him but only from mine or Embry's arms. Even Paul is good with her. Leah acts like she's going to hurt her or something. Paul and Leah are so adorably cute together, I've never seen him act the way he does with her.

After dinner we all sit around in the living room watching TV and talking and watching Rosalie play with her new baby and stuffed puppy.

"Bella, I don't know if you can now, with Rosalie and all but I was planning on asking you before if you wanted to do something while you're here. Um, lunch or something?" Sam asks and I don't know what to say. Before I would have jumped at the offer but now I'm not sure.

"Oh I would have loved to but you're right, with Rosie now I don't see how I can." This why there is nothing to figure out.

"I can keep her tomorrow for a while. She likes me, she'll be fine." Embry offers. Great…

"OK cool then. Lunch sounds good." I tell him and we discuss when and where and all that.

I'm in the kitchen getting something to drink when Jake corners me. I knew this was coming.

"Come on Bella. You get one freaking weekend a month. Now you don't even get that?" He asks.

"It was my idea Jake. She's a little girl who lost her father and has a distant mother. She's not just the job." I'm trying to play nice but I won't for long.

"Are you at least getting paid for this?" He asks.

"I get paid enough to never need time off."

"How much?" He asks not believing me.

"$1500 a week. Plus my phone and my car and car expenses." I tell him and watch the shock cover his face.

"Shit Bella, no wonder you were screwing the boss." He tells me and that's it. I'm out and as soon as I turn around he starts apologizing but it's too late for that crap.

I walk back into the living room and tell everyone I'm sorry but Jake is being an asshole again and I'm going to be leaving now. Not really wanting to make Embry leave and suddenly not really wanting to be here I think I will just go back to Seattle. It's not that late.

I go to my room and gather Rosalie's things thinking I'm glad I didn't take everything out of the bags and put it all in my car and Embry follows me out with her.

"Where are you going?" He asks and I tell him home.

"Just stay with me OK? I know you want to go out with Sam tomorrow. Plus the replacement nanny is already there and getting paid, you know the minute you walk in she's getting paid for nothing." He's joking but it's true.

"You're place is so small." I whisper just wanting out of here.

"You two can have the bed, Bella. The whole room, she can have all her stuff there. It can stay there. Even if you never want to see Jake again come for Billy, and Sam and me."

"Fine." I give in.

Then Sam walks up and asks what happened and I tell him and they are both pissed at Jake. Good, they need to be. Then he asks where I'm going to stay and I tell him Embry's and he offers to let me stay with him since his place is bigger but I tell him thanks but I really think Rosalie will be more comfortable at Embry's.

"Oh yeah that's fine. Do you at least want to come hang out for a while?" He asks both of us so we agree to go over there for a few hours. Rosalie crashes on the way over so Embry carries her in and lays her on the couch. Once she's out, she's out.

When we get there it's kind of awkward because Sam isn't really one of us. I don't actually know much about him and I'm pretty sure Embry knows even less. Plus usually when Embry and I are together and I'm drunk and more interested in Paul.

Sam asks if I want anything to drink and out of habit I tell him tequila and he looks at Embry which annoys the crap out of me.

"If you don't want to give it me fine but don't look at him. He's doesn't decide for me." I snap at him.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just, you're just, I'm sorry." He mumbles a bunch of nothing. "If that's what you what OK but you have to let him drive you home." He tells me and I tell him that's fine, I'm not stupid.

I don't even get drunk. I can't do it with her here but I do get extremely sick and puke up what feels like everything I've ever eaten.

"Bella are you OK? You barely even drank." Embry asks with pure concern.

"Yeah just take me home now. So tired." I manage to get out. I try to get up but I fall luckily into his arms and he carries me out to the living room and lays me down. He's goes to get Rosie, I guess to put her in the car and then come back for me but Sam tells him to just stay and Embry agrees since I'm like deathly ill all the sudden.

"Bella, we're staying here. I'm going to sleep on the floor right beside you if you need anything." He tells me as he puts a blanket over me. Neither of us actually sleep since I'm up constantly puking and Sam stays up out of niceness I guess? About half way through the night Embry tells me if I throw up one more time he's taking me to the ER and I tell him no way because of Rosie so Sam tells me he'll take me which is awkward but acceptable.

An hour later I'm in the ER still puking constantly and I get a bed fast for it.

They give me some anti-nausea stuff and an IV drip to hydrate me. After what seems like hours the doctor comes in.

"How are you feeling?" He asks and I tell him better but still like crap.

"OK then, the reason you are so sick is pregnancy and alcohol don't mix. It's the body's way of trying to protect the fetus so you should probably stop drinking for the time being." He tells me all matter of factly and I'm looking at him like what the hell.

"Um, she didn't know she was pregnant." Sam tells the doctor since I'm in shock.

"Oh, well that makes me feel a little better. Teenage pregnancy is bad enough but drunken teenage pregnancy is so much worse." He laughs and Sam looks like he's ready to hurt him.

"How far along is she?" Sam asks him and he responds with about 12 weeks. This is just freaking awesome.

"Can you please just leave now?" I finally manage to ask the doctor and he tells me he will have a nurse send in with more info about the pregnancy and I can leave once I'm hydrated.

"Holy shit Sam what am I going to do?" I ask him not because I think he knows but just because he's the only one here and I sure as hell don't know what to do.

"I don't really know what to tell you Bella. But I'm sure it's all going to be OK."

A couple of hours later I am released and Sam takes me back to his house.

"Bell!" Rosie runs to me. "Embry make me pancakes. And he play puppy with me! Where you go? I cry but Embry say no cry you be back."

"I was sick Rosie but I'm going to be OK." I feel like a huge liar.

"What did they say Bella?" Embry asks.

"I'm pregnant." I whisper.


	11. Chapter 11

I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant and it is miserable. I almost admire Esme for going through this three times, she's still a crappy mom though. When I told her I was pregnant I was afraid she was going to replace me but she was afraid I was going to quit. So I arranged for Alexa to be here while I'm in the hospital then it will be life back to normal except for the newborn I will now be responsible for. Jake was even more pissed that I didn't quit after I found out but Embry stands up for me and Sam stands up for me to Jake but he really agrees with Jake. I haven't seen Jake in months; on my weekend down there I visit with Billy during the day while he's at work and then spend the rest of the time with Sam or Embry or Paul and Leah. I really like Leah; it's nice to have a friend who is not a guy for once.

I was so sure Sam would give up wanting to know me once I found out but he didn't. He loves me and I think I love him, but sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is. We still haven't had sex, he promises to wait as long as I need to, just like Embry said a good man would. Our relationship has moved quickly but we don't get to see each other much obviously. I go for my long weekend and he usually comes up every other Saturday. But even when we are together I always have the kids who have taken to him though not nearly as well as they did to Embry.

We do fight a lot though, mostly about how he wants me to quit and move in with him and how he thinks I go to Embry with my problems when I should come to him. I only go to Embry when Sam is my problem though. Or Jake, because Sam usually does the whole he just cares about you thing, or if I want to complain about the kids because Sam's answer is always just quit. So maybe that is a lot but Embry is my friend and Sam needs to get over.

When in Forks Embry keeps Rosie at least one night so we can go out. Taking Rosie has been become so routine and while I'm surprised neither of the boys have started complaining they seem to enjoy their weekend with Alexa. They are all happy to see me back though. Alice says it's because Rosalie demands so much attention from me that with her gone Alexa is free to spoil the crap out of the boys.

This is my weekend in Forks and Embry just picked Rosalie up and I am getting ready for Sam to get home from work. He made me promise not to cook saying he wants to do it tonight. We don't go out much mostly because there isn't much to do here and I don't like to be far from her. Another thing Sam gets annoyed about.

I get all ready and start reading the book I'm currently into while I have some quiet. Rosalie has gotten increasing clingy and sleeps in my bed even in Seattle most nights now. I'm so into the book I don't hear Sam come in.

"Hey." He says me and I scream. My book is a horror…

"Hey, how was your day?" I ask him as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me.

"Pretty good yours?"

"Fun! Embry and I took Rosie to the beach with Paul and Leah." He looks at me and me like he wants to say something but he doesn't.

He goes off to make dinner and I keep reading my book since I tend to take over if he lets me in the kitchen.

He makes pancakes and bacon and eggs. He only knows breakfast… But it's yummy!

After dinner he asks me to take a walk with him and we walk to this huge tree I love. It's beautiful and has the perfect groove to sit in. He sits back and I sit with my back against his chest.

"I love you Bella," he whispers in my ear. "I know it's hasn't been long but I love you so much and I want you to be my wife and I want to be this baby's father. Will you marry me?" He asks and I turn around and kiss him without saying anything.

"So yes?" He asks and I laugh and say yes!

I don't know who the father is, Carlisle or Paul, but Sam promises he will always there for him or her. If Carlisle is the father than obviously I will do everything in my power to make sure he never gets anywhere near my baby. And if Paul is the father we decided together that he and Leah can be as involved as they choose to be though I made it very clear I will continue to leave in Seattle with my kids. He's OK with that but he says as the baby gets older he would like them to spend weekends and stuff with him and that's fine of course.

"Bella, I don't want to be away from you like this anymore. If we're going to get married we should be together." He starts and I know he's right but I'm not moving here.

"You can move there Sam. Esme has already said it's OK. She's never even there, you could find a job there easily. I love you Sam but I am not moving here and I am not giving up my kids." I tell him in a way that says I'm not discussing this.

"Bella, I get that you love them but we're going to have a real family now." He tells me and I get up and start walking. He stands up and walks besides me.

"They are my REAL family Sam. Why do you think I bring Rosie here every time I come? I love that little girl more than I love myself or even you. I love all of them that much." I tell him and he looks hurt but I'm not going to lie about this, not now.

"OK, I'll move in with you. But for how long Bella? One day they won't need a nanny." I think about it and tell him until the twins start school. So 3 years and he agrees to that, he's not happy about it but he agrees.

We are almost home when I have the first contraction.

"Oh crap Sam it hurts!" I scream.

"What is it Bella?" he holds me up and helps me into the house. I tell him I think it's just Braxton hicks because it's too early for labor but as they continue regularly I start to get scared and ask him to take me to the hospital just to make sure everything is OK.

Once I'm in a room, the doctor comes in and checks me out and tells me I am in labor.

"No, no it's way too early." I beg him. They give me some stuff to try and stop it but tell me I need to stay here for monitoring. I don't have the kind of life where I can just lay still! Sam calls Embry and asks him to keep Rosalie for the night and then calls Alexa to see if she might possibly be available for a little longer which luckily she is.

I drift between sleep and not sleep while Sam sits with me. Then he gets a phone call and I guess he thinks I'm asleep because he stays right outside the door yelling at someone. Embry, he says Embry. Why would he be yelling at Embry?

He comes back in and I demand to know what's going on and he tries to play it off as nothing but I start flipping out so he tells me to please calm down and he will tell me.

I calm down and stare at him expectantly and I'm getting really worried, he's not one to keep things from me.

"Bella, this is really bad. And you're already stressed." He tells me quietly. "I'm going to get a nurse before I tell you OK?" I shake my head yes and he comes back a few minutes with a nurse. The nurse has tears in her eyes so I'm guessing he already told her.

"Bella, Carlisle got out. He came to the house and Alexa and Esme were both there and he demanded to see the kids and they both refused. He shot them both. He killed them both. The kids are fine physically. They were upstairs and Alice heard him and she locked herself and the boys in the attic and stayed there until the police came." He tells me and I start screaming at him. No! No! I have to go. I have to get my kids!

"You cannot leave here. The kids are OK, they are in CPS custody. I'm sure they will contact whoever is legally responsible for them soon." He tries to calm me down.

"I'm legally responsible for them! She made it legal after he got arrested! I have to go get my kids Sam. They need me." I'm so angry at him even though I know it's completely irrational. He's trying to take care of me and the baby.

The doctor comes in and tells me if the contractions stop for 12 hours I can go but I have to keep as calm as possible and get as much rest as possible.

As if I can possibly rest.

"Why were you yelling at Embry?" I ask him and he tells me I need to rest.

"You need to tell me now." I demand and he tells me he wasn't going to tell me about the kids and Embry told him if he wouldn't tell me he would come and tell me himself.

"Why would you keep that from me?" I whisper, sad and hurt.

"You need to think about the baby, Bella. It needs you." He tries.

"They need me too and you were just going to ignore that. Just pretend that they didn't just go through a horrible, life changing tragedy. Just pretend they don't need the one person who loves them, cares about them. That's so wrong Sam. And now there are legally my kids and you obviously can't be there for them, so in a way you can't be there for me. So just leave please." I tell him trying not to cry.

"Bella please, I want to be here for you and the baby." He begs.

"It's not your baby Sam. Please just hand me my phone and go." I tell him again and he's hurt but I don't care. I have 4 other kids to think about now too and I can't have a man that cares so little for them so involved in their life.

"Please just let me wait with you until Embry can get here." And I tell him fine as long as he doesn't talk to me or touch me or look at me.

I call Embry and he tells me he'll drop Rosalie off with Paul and Leah and be here as soon as possible.


	12. Chapter 12

After the 12 hours are up I am released and Embry and I head straight to Seattle after checking on Rosalie and making sure they are OK with her while we get everything settled.

We get to the CPS office and they can't give me the kids without a lawyer bringing a copy of the will. I can't get into the house without a police escort so the lady at the CPS office arranges one to meet me there. Once inside I get all the info I need, I call the lawyer and he meets us back at the CPS office as soon as possible.

Finally everything is settled and they take me to the house with my kids. She knocks on the door, and when the woman opens it Edward and Jasper practically knock her down to get to me.

Alice is standing back and I hold my arms out to her and she runs to me and breaks down crying.

"You did so good Alice. I'm so sorry but I am so proud of you." I hold her tight.

"What's going to happen to us Bella? Do we have to stay here?" She asks quietly.

"No of course not. I'm your legal guardian, we're going home." I tell her and she says no, she's not going back to that house. I should've seen that one coming. First she sees her dad drag me to his room and then she hears him kill her mom and nanny.

"OK Alice, you don't have to go back." I just don't know where we are going to stay.

"Can you take the boys in for just a few minutes so I can talk to Embry?" She takes them in.

"Can we stay with you? I mean just until I can find a house. I can buy us a house; I just need time to find something." I ask him and he says of course. I can afford a house, along with the kids comes the entire estate.

Once we get back to Forks we pick up Rosalie from Paul's house. She's super excited to see Alice and the boys and nobody tells her what happened. She's just a baby and honestly she barely knew her mom and she didn't know Alexa at all.

We take all of them back to Embry's house and Rosalie is showing them all her stuff and telling them all about Embry and Paul and Leah and the stuff we do here.

Then my water breaks.

"Embry, the baby isn't going to wait anymore. The kids." I tell him and he asks Alice if she will be OK with the little ones just for a while and she says yes just go!

I don't want to be alone in the hospital but I don't want Alice to be alone with the kids for long, they have been through enough.

"Can you please call Paul and ask him if he can either come be with me or stay with the kids?" I ask him and he calls. Paul says he will stay with the kids; he doesn't want to watch the baby be born not knowing if it's his.

"You'll stay with me Embry?" I ask him and he says yes, he'll do anything I need him too. Once we get there I am rushed to a room and they tell me I am too close to stop it again and warn me that once the baby is delivered they will rush it straight to the NICU.

An hour later Morgan Kendra is born and rushed away. 2 lbs. 14 oz.

Embry sits with me the whole time and as I scream for my baby and as they took her away he held me as the nurse sedated me.

I woke up hours later with him still sitting next to me.

"You can go Embry. Check on the kids. Rosie is probably flipping out." She tolerates Paul but she doesn't like to be away from either me or Embry for too long. Plus Paul needs to come up here and give a sample to test for to see if Morgan is his.

He doesn't want to go but he does and he promises to be back as soon as Paul is back to the house.

The nurse comes in with an update, saying Morgan is strong for as early and tiny as she is but she can't breathe or eat on her own and it's going to be a long hard road. She offers to take me to see her and I tell her yes! She brings me a wheelchair and helps me in and pushes me to the NICU. I cry when I see how tiny she is.

"Hey baby Morgan, I love you so much. I'll be here for you as much as I can baby but you have brothers and sisters that need me too. So you have to get better soon so you can meet them." The nurse tells me I have to go back. When I get back to the room Paul is waiting for me.

"I saw her. She looks like you. I understand if you want the test to confirm but I'm almost positive." I tell him. I ask the nurse if he can see her and she says it's fine but just for a minute and walks him back.

He comes back and says he doesn't need the test.

"Do you want to be on the birth certificate?" I ask him.

"I thought you would want Sam as her father." He answers and I tell him no he deserves to be on it plus I'm not with Sam anymore so he smiles and says yes.

"And um I'm not sure what her last name should be? She IS yours and I know you'll always be there for her." But that seems like giving up a part of her.

"I would like her to have my name but if that's weird for you it's OK." He tells me nervously.

"Well I guess if I ever get married she'll have the same name as one of us." I tell him and then I start crying because yesterday I was engaged and now I have 5 kids and no one.

"Why are you crying? It's OK if you want her to have your name." He asks me slightly panicked.

"No that's not it. Sam asked me to marry him yesterday but then I broke up with him when he wanted to keep what happened from me." He sits down next to me and holds my hand.

"I'm sorry Bella, but one day you'll find someone who loves you and the kids. You're beautiful, and sweet and smart and you are an amazing person. You're 20 years old and you agreed to raise 4 kids that aren't yours. And the part that makes you amazing is you don't even see it like that. Those kids were yours in your eyes from the beginning. They're lucky and so is Morgan." He tells me and I cry harder and the nurse asks if I want something to help me sleep and I nod yes.

"I'm going to go now. Embry wants to be here and I'm sure you'd rather him than me." He starts to leave.

"I like you being here too. You're a good friend and now we have a daughter together. You don't have to run. And thanks for helping out with the kids." We've come a long way from where we were sleeping together but he seems to have a hard time believing I really do care.

"The kids are good kids Bella, even Rosie with all her demands. I'll do anything I can to help with them, if you need anything just ask. I'm sorry about you and Sam." Then he leaves.

I'm going to need all the help I can get.

_A/N I'm pretty sure in real life the baby would be too small to know who she looks like but this is not real life so… _


	13. Chapter 13

Embry's POV

Bella calls me telling her Sam can't stay with her can I please come up to the hospital so he can leave, I'm confused but tell her of course, let me drop Rosalie off with Paul and then I will be there. Thinking I'm not going to get much from her I call Sam on the way there and ask him what the hell is going on.

So he tells me how she asked why he was yelling at me and about our… disagreement about when to tell her about what happened and it all makes sense. Bella loves those kids with everything she is and Sam basically just told her he didn't give a crap about them.

"_Are you going to try to get her back?" _

"_No." _

"_Why the hell not? You're supposed to love her and this baby." _

"_I do love her but not enough to give my whole life up for the kids. I agreed to love this baby, not them. Take care of her please." _

"_She's not mine to take care of." _

"_She could be. She loves you, I hate it but she does. She talks about you all the time and runs to you with her problems, always saying how great you are with Rosalie and on and on. Think about it Embry, she only started sleeping with Paul because Jake was trying to get her with you. If you had just asked her out, you would have her now. She told me how after her parents died you were always there for her and you spent all your time together until Jake started pushing her. So good luck with that. I'm sorry I hurt her." _

I hang up and think about what he said. Yeah we used to be a lot closer and Jake did start trying to get her with me when she started talking about leaving Forks after high school like her sisters and that is when she started sleeping with Paul. But that doesn't mean that she loves me does it? I'm just a good friend who has always been there for her and helped through hard times. Clearly I love her but this I already knew.

I'll do what I've always done; love her as much as she lets me.

I get to the hospital and she looks so fragile and I know this is going to be so hard on her, having to stay here when her other kids need her.

She smiles a small, sad smile when I walk in and gives me a short version of what happened with Sam.

"He can't handle my life now, so he has no place in it." Is her version. I have to agree though I can't believe he let go so easily, if she were mine I would never let her go without a fight.

I sit with her until they finally release her and we stop by to check on Rosalie then go to Seattle to get the rest of them.


	14. Chapter 14

Embry comes back that day and stays and the next day he and Paul and Leah take turns staying with me and the kids all the while working. Well Leah doesn't work much, she gets fired a lot but she's currently a dog walker. She says she likes dog more than people. I'm pretty sure the dogs like her more than most people do. I love Leah but she's a lot to take.

I'm lying in bed reading a book while Embry runs to the deli down the road to get me some food. The stuff they serve is mega gross and I would rather not eat than eat it.

"Hey Bella."

"Why are you here Jake? Going to try and talk me into giving Morgan and the other kids up for adoption or something? Or just to call me a slut and tell me how stupid I am? I don't want you here at all. Just go."

"Bella I miss you so much. You're my sister and I love you. I worry about you so much but I know I was wrong and everything you have done you did for the right reasons since that night. I'm so sorry." He apologizes.

"Can you support me in this Jake? Because I am a 20 year old who sometimes just wants to drink and forget the world but I have 5 kids now. 5 kids! I have a 14 year old daughter. I mean I love her but if she ended up screwed up I was just the nanny. But now I'm NOT just the nanny. It's all on me. And Morgan is fighting for her life and she could have a billion unseen problems and on top of all of that Sam is gone. So if you can't support me than just leave because I don't have room in my life for people who want to control me or tell me I'm doing it wrong." I'm done playing nice.

"I will try Bella, but please don't walk out of my life every time I screw up. Shit Bella do you know how hard it is hearing everything about your life from Embry who is so freaking protective of you he barely tells me anything because he doesn't want to break your trust! I don't even know who Morgan's father is since he slipped once and said Carlisle might not be the father but he wouldn't say anything else." He looks so sad and I guess maybe I am partly to blame in all this. I never try talking to him, I just run. And now seems like a good time to test his support.

"Paul is her father." I whisper and the look on his face says he's going to blow it but he calms himself and says OK.

"Bella how? Why?" He finally asks.

"I've been sleeping with him since I started high school Jake and I don't know how it happened. Bad birth control?" I laugh even though it's not funny at all.

"Are you still sleeping with him?" He asks and I tell no not since that night and he breathes out in relief.

"This is a lot to take Bella, but I love you. Is he going to be involved?" He questions and I tell him yes and I will probably give Morgan his last name.

Just then Embry walks in with my food and he looks at me asking silently if he wants me to kick Jake out and I shake my head no which confuses Jake and I laugh at his confusion which confuses him anymore.

"I'm going to go Bella, I have to be to work. I'm sorry about you and Sam. Let me know if you need anything OK? I promise I will do my best to support you always. I love you."

"Love you too Jake." I tell him and I believe him that he wants to try. But trying and doing are two totally different things.

"Are you OK Bella?" Embry asks as soon as he leaves.

"Yeah, he was actually really nice about everything. I even told him about Paul being Morgan's dad. But I have a hard time believing it will last." I shrug like it's not a big deal but it is. I love Jake and every time I walk away from him it hurts.

"Hey Embry do you know if anyone called Rachel and Rebecca?" They actually wanted to be here for when the baby was born since she wasn't due for 2 months but I got so caught up in everything I didn't even think to call.

"I called them yesterday; they are trying to work things out to be here as soon as possible." At least he has it all together.

"Bella, the nurse told me before I came in you can probably leave tomorrow. Where are you planning on staying? You can stay with me as long as you need to but all the kids are in one bed." He asks and I really don't know. "What do you want to do? Do you want to buy a house here or there? Or rent and have a house built? You have the money to do anything you want." He is trying to help I know but it's so overwhelming.

"I don't know Embry!" I yell and then feel bad. "I'm sorry but this is just too much."

"Hey I'm sorry, don't stress about it." He apologizes and I feel worse because this is something that has to be decided. I need to get the kids back to some sort of stability. They need a home, with their own space and school, they need to start going to school. Surprisingly they weren't in private school but really good public schools and tons of other activities. Seattle is their home but here I have people who care and want to help me.

"Embry what am I supposed to do? Should I stay here or find a place in Seattle? Rent, buy, build. Can't you tell me what to do? You're the only one who has stuck through with me from the beginning. I trust you, please just tell me what to do." I beg him.

"I can't make the decision for you Bella but I will help you in whatever you decide. But you have no ties to Seattle anymore. The twins and Edward are so young they will adjust. And I think Alice likes it here, she really seems to like Leah and she has been talking about going to the beach and hiking and stuff. Also she might need therapy; she seems to be in denial." He stops to see if I'm going to talk but I know he has more. "I want you here Bella. I miss you when you're there and crazy as it may be I miss Rosalie. And if you stay here than Paul can spend more time with Morgan once she's better. He's happy that she's his and Leah is even excited. Plus you know Morgan is going to have to stay here for a while." He's trying to sound like he doesn't really care but he does.

"Find us a house here?" I ask him and he smiles and says anything for me.


	15. Chapter 15

The next day I have to leave the hospital and while I'm so glad to get back to Alice and the little kids I hate leaving Morgan here. I promise her I will visit her every day.

Paul comes to take me home and we visit her one last time before leaving.

"She's so beautiful." He tells me and I think it's so sweet how much he clearly already adores her. He's going to be a good dad and I'm so glad it's him, not Carlisle.

The twins are both due to fly in tomorrow and will be staying at home while me and the kids stay with Embry until we can get set in our new house. Apparently money buys time too because he found us a nice house with plenty of space on the edge of town and managed to buy it within 24 hours. He and Paul and Jake are buying stuff for it and someone is going to go to Seattle to get all the kid's things in the next couple of days. Alice helped picked out the house and the furniture and assigned everyone a room. Hopefully by the end of the week we can move in.

"Bell! You finally come for me. Why you gone? Embry say you have baby. Where baby?" Rosie asks as she jumps into my arms and the others soon follow.

"Morgan has to stay in the hospital for a while. She's very tiny. She needs more time to grow but hopefully she can come home soon." I tell them all trying not to cry.

"Is she really going to be OK?" Alice asks and I tell her that while nothing is certain her chances are good. "You'll love the house Bella; it has a little creek not too far from it and huge trees. And your room is amazing! And it's far enough away where you can't hear everything from the kids but you can hear if someone is crying."

"How did you know that was important?" I ask her and she tells me Embry remembered. Of course he did.

"Bella?" Edward asks quietly and I look at him. "Is my daddy going to try to hurt you like he did my mom and Alexa?"

"No. Your dad is in a place where he can never get out. He's not going to come for any of us, I promise you that. And I promise you all I will take care of you." I tell them all.

"You always do Bella." Alice tells me and I hug her as I start crying.

I spend the rest of the day with 3 little kids sitting on top me and Alice sitting as close as possible while Embry and Paul won't let me do anything except get up to pee basically. They bring me food and drinks and keep trying to get me to sleep. Finally at bedtime they try to figure out how it's going to work because they don't want me on the couch and the kids are already crashed in the bed. I will be so glad to move.

"I will be fine on the couch guys, it's better than a hospital bed." I tell them and they don't argue. Paul tells us good night and leaves.

Sometime during the night Rosie comes and curls up with me. I whisper Iove you in her ear and she smiles in her sleep. I sleep pretty good considering I'm on a couch with a 3 year old attached to me.

In the morning Embry helps me get all the kids ready and we all head over to Jake's to wait for Rachel and Rebecca. Jake is picking them both up.

They know the whole situation and they support me but they are both disappointed I kept them in the dark about everything.

The kids are running all around the yard and Billy looks happier than he has in a long time. I ask him why and he says it's nice to be surrounded by chaos again. Well, I have plenty of that for him!

Soon Jake pulls up with the girls and as soon as Rosalie sees new people she clings to me.

"It's OK baby, those are my sisters." I tell her but she starts crying.

"Go in house." She demands and Embry takes her from me to take her in the house to settle her down. She's getting worse.

Both twins run up and hug me at the same time and I start crying again.

"I've really missed you guys." I tell them both.

"We've missed you too sweetie, I'm sorry I never came back to visit. Especially when you so desperately needed us! I cannot believe all you've been through. You're stronger than me Bella. I'm so proud of you." Rachel tells me and Rebecca nods in agreement.

"But you should have told us about things Bella. We wouldn't have judged you and we wouldn't have sent Jake after you. So from now come to us." Rebecca adds. "I'm sorry about Sam."

I am so tired of hearing that but I just smile and say thanks. I introduce them to Alice and the boys and then take them inside to see if Rosie can handle them now. She smiles and waves but clings to Embry like she's afraid of falling.

"She's gotten worse." I tell him and he says yeah since I was in the hospital. She holds one hand out to me and I take her and she hides in my shoulder.

"Sorry. She takes time to warm up to people." I whisper to the twins and they are both standing there looking at me and Embry like they are trying to figure something out.

'It's OK, she's been through a lot." Rebecca finally says.

Embry takes her back from me and takes her outside while I help the twins settle in.

"Um, Bella this is your room, where are you and the kids staying?" Rachel asks. They shared a room when they lived here but I figured with my room never used there was no point in that.

"Oh we're staying at Embry's until the house is ready." I tell them and they get that look again.

"Are you with him?" Rebecca asks and I laugh and tell her no, he's just a good friend.

"Come on Bella, he's loved you since you moved here and looking at you now and actually thinking back you always liked him too." Rachel is telling me and I'm thinking no…

"Remember right after you moved in, you two did everything together. Jake used to get jealous." Rebecca says laughing. "And then when you started high school you started talking about leaving like we did and then Jake started trying to hook you two up and you starting hanging out with him alone less and more with Paul and Embry just kind of tagged along right?"

Yeah that sounds about right but I don't really see where this is going.

"Why did you stop spending so much time with Embry?" Rebecca asks and I think back and it hits me.

"Because Jake wanted us together so instead of letting him control me I threw myself at Paul. But that doesn't mean I like him now, I mean I like him but I don't love him." I try to convince them.

"Bella, you always talk about him when you call me and don't take this the wrong way but you hardly seem upset about your break up with Sam and he had just asked him to marry you. Stop thinking about logic and most of all Jake and just think about you and Embry. Now and since you've known him." Rachel tells me and I do.

I think about it but I just don't know.


	16. Chapter 16

Rosalie is running around with Jasper so I can finally relax a bit. I'm so worried about her; I hope this is just a stage. I mean I'll be there when I can but it might not always be practical to be with her or have her be with Embry. Embry who I have decided that Rachel and Rebecca is probably right about.

Embry. I don't even know what to do with that, how did I not see this before? He laid in my bed and held me in Seattle and poured his heart out to me and I told him I'm sorry I don't love you. Or did I know when I was younger and block it out? But what do I do now that I do know? I know he's always wanted to be with me but I'm afraid if we do this and it doesn't work out it will ruin everything. Our friendship, his relationship with the kids, possibly even his relationship with Jake if Jake were to blame him for things going badly. This is all just too much! I need a drink desperately. I haven't had anything to drink since I found out I was pregnant with Morgan. Morgan, who is all the excitement of today I didn't even go see today. Paul called me a little while ago and said he would pick me up tomorrow to go see her since right now we are the only two allowed. Another reason I am so glad Carlisle is not her father, it's nice to have someone there with me.

"What's wrong?" Embry comes and sits on the porch steps with me.

"Nothing really, could really use some tequila." I laugh a little.

"I'll get you some if you really want it." He offers.

"I think I love you Embry." I blurt out.

"Because I give you tequila?" He looks at me funny.

"No, because you're you. Because you helped me 10 years ago get through one the hardest times in my life and because you stayed with me while I threw myself at Paul even though that had to hurt and because you stuck up for me against Jake with the whole Seattle thing and because you are amazing with all the kids, especially Rosalie and because you sat with me while I gave birth to Paul's baby, which one again had to be hard for you. Because no matter what you've always been there for me. You are so good to me even if I don't deserve it at all. You're my best friend Embry. I love you."

"Are you serious Bella?" He asks nervously.

"Yes. But I understand if you don't want to be with me after everything. I just wanted you to know." This was a bad idea.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks but I don't answer. I just kiss him instead.

"Will you let me take care of you and the kids?" He whispers.

"Anything for you." I answer back.

Just then Alice comes up and says I knew it. I knew you loved him back and I just smile and say I know you did.

Then Rosie and the boys come and push themselves between us and I look at him and he laughs and whispers I love you Bella.

"I love you too, I'm sorry it took me so long to see it." I tell him and he says no don't do that. No sorry, no regrets.

"Are you going to live in the new house with us Embry?" Alice asks him and he looks at me.

"It's up to you. Either way is fine with me although I would prefer you with us." I tell him honestly.

"I would prefer me with you too." He tells me and Alice runs off to tell everyone I think. Oh well, at least this way I don't have to say the same thing over and over.

"Tired Embry." Rosalie tells him and climbs into his lap. I ask him to take her in and let her watch TV until we're ready to go.

As soon as he walks in Jake and both the twins come up and ask if Alice is serious.

"Yes, she's serious." I tell them all but I watch Jake.

"We're so happy for you Bella. He'll be so good for you!" The twins are going on and on.

"Jake?" I ask him.

"I'm happy Bella; I just feel bad knowing that it's my fault you weren't with him a long time ago." He says and I look at the twins who look guilty.

"None of that even matters now." I tell all three of them. "I'm going to get the kids ready to go. Rosie is tired and Jasper and Edward probably aren't far behind."

"You're a good mom Bella." Jake tells me and I hug him and tell him thanks that means so much to me.

I tell the twins I will come see them tomorrow and get the boys in the car before getting Embry and Rosalie from the house.

Once we get home and all the kids to bed we sit on the couch together.

"Leah and Paul are going to take Alice shopping for the house tomorrow and Jake and I are going to get all the kids' stuff from the house. I'll get your stuff too, is there anything else you want?" He asks.

"I want to go Embry. Rosie can come and I'm sure Rachel or Rebecca wouldn't mind watching the other kids." I tell him and he shakes his head no.

"Bella, you just had a baby a week ago. Please just stay with the kids and rest." He begs and I know I can say no so I don't and just ask him to get the all the pictures from the house.

"OK so Paul is going to pick you up in the morning right? I have to work Bella; I've taken a lot of time off. What are we going to do with the kids when you're with Morgan and I'm at work?" He asks and I haven't really thought about it.

"Can't you just quit? I have enough money to not have to worry about anything. I'm not saying live off of it forever but just until everything is settled." I ask knowing he's going to say no.

"I want to take care of you Bella not the other way around so no. Maybe Leah?" So I text her and she says of course, she doesn't have any dogs to walk tomorrow.

I yawn and he tells me I need to sleep and I don't argue, I'm exhausted.

"Lay with me." And he laughs because there is no way we can sleep like that but he does it anyways. I will be very happy to be in the new house where I can have a bed. Even if most likely it will include a 3 year old.


	17. Chapter 17

"Bye Jasper, bye Edward, bye Alice." I tell them all. "And good bye my baby girl. I'll be back in a little while; Leah is going to stay OK? No, don't cry Rosie." Leah takes her from me and I try not to cry.

"Come back to me Bell!" She yells and I promise her I will. She's going to flip when she starts preschool again. Edward and Alice are going to start tomorrow, but I haven't found a good place for the twins. I'm not even sure I want them to go. But at the same time it would be a good time for me to be with Morgan.

"How you doing Bella?" Paul asks as I get in the car.

"OK I guess, I just hate leaving Rosie, I know she likes Leah and Leah will take care of her but her crying kills me. How are you?"

"Pretty good, I'm just not sleeping so I'm tired. I'm so worried about Morgan. I want her home. I mean I know she's not going home with me but home with you is good enough. Just not there."

"Your home will be her home too Paul. You can see her as much as you want, you know that right?" I ask him.

"I know Bella and thanks for being so great about this. I treated you like crap." He looks so sad.

"No you didn't. We probably shouldn't of being sleeping together but it was up to both of us and you never treated me bad." I try to make him feel better. "And she needs her father."

"Are you OK about Sam?" He asks.

"Oh yeah about that, I'm actually with Embry now." He looks at me in shock for minute then smiles.

"I always knew you two would end up together. He'll do anything for you and those kids and Morgan. I couldn't ask for a better man to be there for her when she's with you. It took you long enough." He laughs.

Once we get to the hospital we scrub our hands and put scrubs on and go in to see her. She's up a pound which is good and she's getting stronger everyday but she's still not breathing or eating on her own.

"Do you want to hold her?" Her nurse asks us.

"Seriously?" We haven't been able to yet and she says yes seriously. I look at Paul and he tells me it's OK I can hold her first.

"Thank you." I whisper to him and the nurse helps me settle her in my arms. Or arm, she's so tiny. He asks the nurse if he can touch her and she says yes just very gently. I hold her for a few minutes and then even though I don't want to give her up ask the nurse to help me transfer her to Paul.

"Are you sure Bella?" He asks and I say yes even though I'm not.

He cries once she's settled into him and I have never seen him cry. After he holds her for a few minutes the nurse says she needs to rest now. We stay and watch her for a few minutes before leaving.

"Don't tell anyone I cried please?" He asks me embarrassed and I promise him I won't.

He drops me off at home and Leah practically runs out of the house to him. Alice just shrugs her shoulders. Awesome. They are going to scare of the small group of people I trust.

"OK, kiddos let's go see Rachel and Rebecca!" They all run off to get ready.

When we get there Alice and the boys take off to the backyard to climb trees and play whatever and Rosie of course stays with me, once we get in Rachel is crying on the couch and Rebecca is sitting there holding her head in her lap.

"Whoa what's wrong Rachel?" I ask her and she says nothing. Because I'm stupid.

"Come on Rachel tell me, Rosie go play with Alice for a few minutes please?" I put her down and she scowls at me but runs off.

"Have you ever meet a perfect man and then realized you could never have him?" She asks me and I tell her no, sorry?

"Just tell me Rebecca." I plead with her.

Rachel glares at her but she starts talking.

"We went to the movies last night, Jake was being annoying and we just needed to get away. So we're almost to the door when Rachel runs right into this man. She's apologizing over and over and he's laughing and saying it's OK. Then she asks if he wants to see the movie with us and by the end of the movie they're on the way to happily ever after. So he walks us to our car and finally she asks his name. And he says Sam. So Rachel says Bella's finance for less than a day Sam? And he's all oh you know Bella? How is she? Then she gets in the car and slams the door shut I tell him we're her sisters and get in." Rebecca tells the story without breathing I think.

"Did you really like him that much Rachel?" I ask and she nods sadly.

"Then go for it, I mean I don't know how well it would work since you don't live here but don't let me be the one that ruins what apparently is the start of a perfect relationship." I tell her meaning it completely.

"He left you, I mean I know you broke it off but he just left." She whispers.

"He's a good man that didn't want 5 kids. And now I have an even better man that does want those 5 kids. You said it yourself I didn't seem all that upset. I have Embry. Sam deserves to be happy and so do you Rachel." She sits up and pulls me down on top of her and tells me thank you over and over.

"I love you so much Bella!" She tells me and Rebecca whispers thank you.

I give Rachel his # and she locks herself in my old room to call my old boyfriend. Odd how things work out.

Rachel comes out all super happy and asks if she can invite him for dinner and I tell her fine but I am not cooking. Pizza it is because they can't cook either. Luckily my kids do like pizza. I text Embry that Sam is coming to dinner, Rachel is ordering pizza, please bring me something not crap for dinner.

And just like I thought he would he's calling 2 seconds later and I give him the short version of the story, promise him I'm OK with it and tell him I really want tacos for dinner.

A couple of hours later Jake, Embry and then Sam show up. Jake is beyond mad about the whole Rachel/Sam thing but I tell him I'm really OK with it and that's all that should really matter.

After dinner Rachel and Rebecca offer to keep the boys and Alice for the night so Embry and I can have somewhat of a break.

So I kiss the boys good bye and tell Alice to call me if she needs anything and we take Rosie home.

She falls asleep in the car so Embry carries her in and puts her on the couch so we can have the bed for the night.

"I want you Embry, please?" I ask him once we both lay down.

"Are you sure you're ready Bella? If you're not it's OK, I'll wait."

"I'm sure." I answer maybe a bit desperately.

"Rosie…" He says and I promise him she is out for at least a couple of hours before she comes to find me.

"If you don't want to it's OK." I tell him suddenly unsure of myself.

"I've wanted you for as long as I can remember Bella; I just wanted to make sure you were OK."

I kiss him in response and for the first time in my life I make love to a man who really loves me.


	18. Chapter 18

The day I have been waiting for has finally arrived. My Morgan gets to come home. Paul picked me up so we can bring her home together. He seems a little sad and I ask him why and he just says he misses her whenever he's not with her.

"You can see her every day if you want. You can take her as much as you want and you can come visit her as much as you want. I know it's hard though, I'm sorry."

We get there and sign her out and they give us a ton of info on bathing and feeding and a bunch of other stuff and it's overwhelming. She doesn't have any health issues luckily but she's still at higher risk to get sick which is going to be so hard with 4 other kids, 3 of who go to school. Jasper was bored at home so I found the twins a preschool but Rosalie hated it so she stays home with me.

I put her in her car seat which seems way too big for her but they assure me it's fine, then Paul picks it up and I get all the papers and blanket she was given by the hospital and we go to the car. I snap her in and off we go.

Leah is at our house watching the kids while Alice prepares for Morgan's welcome home party. I didn't want to have a party but Alice begged me and I couldn't say no to her excitement. Alice loves cooking which is great because I don't always have to do it anymore so she's even making the food.

"When is everyone coming?" Paul asks as we pull up.

"Around 3. So we have the whole morning with her." I tell him.

We walk in a Leah is holding back the boys and Alice has Rosie so they don't go nuts on Morgan. I take her out and sit on the couch and slowly they set them all around me.

"She's cute, Bell." Rosie says and reaches out to touch her arm. Jasper and Edward are already bored.

"Can I hold her?" Alice asks so I help her. I start crying and Paul asks what's wrong and I tell him my family is just too perfect. He laughs but says yeah they are.

We spend the rest of the morning just chilling out and then everyone shows up. Embry gets home from work, I wanted him to be here when Morgan got home but he said he thought Paul deserved the time with her first. Then Jake comes over with Billy and Rachel and Sam. She fell hard and fast for him and he for her. She quit her job and moved back here. It took some getting used to but I really like having her back. That first night at dinner Sam told me how sorry he was for trying to keep what happened from me and for leaving so easily. I told him I forgive him and I understand because I really do and honestly I'm better off with Embry and happier than I could have imagined.

"Bell! Edward says you Morgan's mommy. You be my mommy too?" Jasper comes running up and asks me and it throws me off guard because they've always just called me Bell or Bella. I guess I take too long to answer because Embry comes up and tells him of course I can be his mommy. "And you can be my daddy?" Jasper asks Embry and he says yes he would like that. Jasper hugs him and runs off.

"Thank you. I love you so much." I tell him with tears in my eyes.

"I love you too Bella."

After dinner we are all sitting in the back with Morgan snuggled up with Paul, and Leah and Alice playing with the twins and Edward and I think again how perfect this all is.

I go in and start to clean up but Rachel stops me and says she'll do it, go back out and relax for once.

"She kicked me out of my own kitchen." I whine to Embry and he laughs then looks serious all the sudden. "Marry me Bella." He doesn't ask and I'm OK with that.

"Anything for you." I tell him and kiss him.


	19. Chapter 19

I walk out of bedroom to see Embry trying a hold a 2 year old Morgan down to change her diaper, Rosie climbing on his back and the boys running circles around them. Alice is in her room blasting her music. This is my life.

"Embry do you want kids?" I ask him and he looks at me like I've lost my mind and I think maybe that's not the best phrasing. "Like your own kids?" I ask him and he looks hurt and I tell him no, that's not how I meant it.

"I'm pregnant Embry." I finally just blurt it out. In his moment of shock Morgan gets free and she's running around screaming and the boys start chasing her.

Paul walks through the door and Morgan runs to him screaming daddy! He picks her up and she pees all over him, I crack up and he asks why she's running around without a diaper and Rosalie tells him it's because I'm pregnant. That's pretty accurate.

Embry is still just sitting there now holding Rosalie staring at me and I get nervous.

"Is this OK?" I ask him trying not to cry and he snaps out of it.

"Yes it's OK! I just wasn't expecting it… We've never talked about it. 6 kids." He finally says.

"7 if you have twins!" Edward offers and I think please don't let it be twins…

"Congratulations, I think." Paul says and sits down to force a diaper on his daughter.

"Mommy does pregnant mean you get a baby? Because I really wanted a puppy not a baby." Rosalie looks sad.

"Aww Rosie we'll get you a puppy too." Embry tells her because he can't stand it when she's sad.

Awesome, 6 kids and a puppy.

"Is it OK with you?" Embry asks and I tell him the baby is fine, I'm not thrilled about the puppy.

"Sorry." He tells me but he doesn't look sorry.

"Let's go get our puppy now!" Jasper yells and Edward and Rosie start jumping up and down.

"No. We have to be to the party in 30 minutes. The baby isn't going to come for a long time I think we can wait a while for the puppy too." I tell them all and Rosalie starts crying and I look at Embry like if you give into her you will be sorry.

Rachel and Sam ran away to get married and they are throwing a huge party tonight.

"Soon, Rosie but not today." He whispers and I can't stay mad when she smiles.

"You two are nuts." Paul shakes his head in amusement.

"Well you're covered in pee and you have to be at the same party in the same 30 minutes." I tell him laughing. "Why are you even here? I thought we were taking Morgan to the party and you were taking her home tonight."

"I came because nobody bothers to answer their phones and I was going to offer to keep all the kids tonight. I know you two don't get much time alone. But if you just want to laugh at me because you let our daughter run around naked I will leave." He jokes.

"No! I'm sorry! Please take them!" I beg and he laughs and says he will. So I run upstairs to pack them bags really quick while Embry gets Paul some of his clothes and we all head to the party.

People that know us but don't really know us look at me in pity probably because I'm at a wedding reception for my ex and my sister and they all think I'm a slut that got stuck with 4 kids no one wanted.

But the ones that know us and more specifically me know that there is nothing to pity me for. I made some bad decisions but I don't consider myself a slut and I could never regret sleeping with Paul when I have a beautiful little girl for it. And I am as happy as anyone for Rachel and Sam. She's an awesome sister and he's a good man and they are perfect together, something we never were. As for the kids, those who truly know me know I always wanted them and while Embry came into being there for them differently than I did he loves them as much as any father could love their kids.

My family knows me. Billy and Jake and Rachel and Rebecca took me in as one of their own and while I grew up hating Jake sometimes it was for his overprotectiveness only, I never felt like less than them. Alice, Edward, Jasper, and Rosalie are my kids just as much as Morgan and this baby will be. I loved them the day I started and each day it grows. Paul and Leah are not just Morgan's dad and soon to be step mom. She is my best friend and he is pretty high up there. We got really close when Morgan was in the hospital. He and Leah are actually the ones who would take ours kids should something happen to both me and Embry.

And then they is Embry. The father who truly didn't have to be to my 5 kids and finally this last one. Hopefully the last one at least, I need to look into better birth control. He is an amazing father and husband and friend. He has been there for me for as long as I can remember and while sometimes I wish I had been with him sooner I have to remind myself that if we had gotten together in high school I probably wouldn't have any of my kids.

No sorry, no regrets.

_The End_


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